Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
