so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
