Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
