my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
