I met the friendliest cop last night
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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