How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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