see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize