there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i love accidental penises.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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