Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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