These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
