this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
