Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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