i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
