I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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