i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
