I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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