And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
