It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
