She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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