Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
