I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
whose ass print is on the piano?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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