We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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