went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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