a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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