Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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