party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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