I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
