I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The Olympian is in my bed
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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