are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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