Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
