let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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