I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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