I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
