I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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