nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
