I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
