That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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