I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
