exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We're too hungover to prance.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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