great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
