You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You made out with two different species that night
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
