i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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