I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
