We're like a lot better than the average bears
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
