Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
