Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
