So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
