I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
