I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
