VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
