I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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