don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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