repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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