I could have mohawked her pubes.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It all started with a game of naked twister.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
