she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
