Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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