Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Sober January is a disaster.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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