Please, let me fuck your mom
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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