Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
