I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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