Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
