I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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