My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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