Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
