My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
