i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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