fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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