Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
