We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
where are my eyebrows?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
