I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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