next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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