all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He better not be in your backpack
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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