PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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