P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
