we have pet lesbian snakes
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
