At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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