I can tuck mytits in my pants
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
