Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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