im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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