Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
