It's Friday. Sex?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
