i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
