winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
